Sore toes

Hanging out together

Sweet precious girls


What an amazing time of prayer we had last night at church. I feel so blessed to be a part of what is going on in this congregation. I must say I have some sore toes from the message though. You know, so many times we don't know how to be the change we hope to see in the world. I have heard that quote so many times and I have always felt that it applied to others but I have not internalized it as I should. I do not want to be a person that lives in a way that isn't an example of what I believe. Do others see Jesus in me? Am I interested in things that are good and noble? Am I easily distracted by the static around me or do I turn to Jesus? You know we are built as Christians to edify one another. Do I really implement this as I should? These are tough questions if you are willing to be honest and transparent. Do I pray for the lost? Do I love them? Ouch. I was not proud of all my answers. Many times I use my burdens in life to justify my behaviors that are less than ideal. I use the negative environment at work, my stress level, how things are going for me at home, or my lack of sleep to enable myself to continue patterns that are not so Christ like. These are not excuses. You know- you and I might never know who we encounter on a daily basis that we might turn toward or away from Jesus Christ. After an emotional time of prayer last night I simply begged of the Lord to see my heart and help me to fixate on the things he commands and expects of me. I have never been in a season of my life where I had such a desperate need or such an overwhelming desire for my Lord, Jesus Christ. I couldn't keep on going without his patient and gentle coaxing. I am so worn. This has been a terribly difficult month. The loss of Lesley has resonated through every aspect of my life on a daily and sometimes continuous basis. I feel at times that this just occurred and at others that we are making progress toward establishing a new normal. I have felt the hand of the Lord in every step of this process. I have felt peace in the storm and for that I give all the glory to Him. I know that the remaining needs that this family has will be met- by His hands and feet and that these babies, and all that love them will see the divine provision and love He has for us.

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