FromBonnietoMommy

Still thinking about all this tragedy tonight. I continue to read so many posts, tweets, etc from people desperate to state their opinions as to how this verifiess that a caring and loving God could not exist. I have had so many moments in my life where I have questioned His existence myself. I want to be transparent and real here. I was raised to never question but instead to have faith. Faith- the hope and belief in the unseen. I attended church throughout my life and checked all the boxes of religion. I participated in worship but felt empty and devoid of all the love, grace, and mercy that I kept expecting to somehow "kick in" with me. I prayed, and written journals of all my daily gratitudes, I felt empty and lost. I kept a mental checklist of my shortcomings and felt that these were the reasons that I didn't "feel" His presence more in my life. I noted carefully all my sins and confessed most of them on a daily basis. I publicly repented at church if I had...

I am so grief stricken over the lose of life that occurred recently that I felt I had to speak about it. I am unsure if any crime could be more heinous than gunning down helpless, terrified, innocent, babies. You know- I realize that many of us do not, and will never share beliefs and opinions concerning politics, or religion, or gun control, or anything for that matter, but I have to say that we should all share in the belief that this was senseless, horrific, traumatic, and unimaginable. I wonder why we take to social media outlets to promote political agendas etc. If I had lost a child on the day of this massacre I would be angered by what people are talking about. I just can't wrap my mind around what the loss of a child would be like. I have day dreamed of the future's of my children since I knew that they were conceived. I have high hopes that they will be successful and happy, loved, devoted to Christ, and most of all content. I imagined their appearances, their personal...

So, we are all piled up in here this morning. Enjoying one another.  Had a yummy blueberry waffle breakfast, and now we have Tinkerbell. The only bad part is all this snot and coughing in the background. This is the apparently never ending season of snot, cough, sore throat, and headaches. But, we are all here together and that brings such joy to my life. I have also been on the computer now for a bit. Looking longingly at all things Irish which has become a new obsession for me thanks to my Uncle Eddie. Actually, I guess it is just a renewed obsession. On another note, tomorrow is the start to another long 5 day week. I can't believe it, I haven't worked a long day since last Wednesday and I should be more ready to get back to it but now I am spoiled and just want to stay at home forever. Well- I suppose that working hard and providing for this little family is absolutely more important. I am blessed to have such a great job and a great friend to work with me. So, here is to...

This is my favorite time of year. I used to be such a scrooge that I find it shocking how over the top I am about it now. Funny thing how life changes your opinion of things. I feel God in my life every second and I have found a peace because of it that has evaded me most all my life. You know- horrible things happen so much, we lose our friends and loved ones, natural disasters occur, we endure sickness and loneliness and heartache. But, we are not forsaken you know. We are never without the love of the one that values us more than any other. I am not sure how I have doubted this before now- I don't even think that I doubted but somewhere along the way I missed out on picking up on the feeling of his nearness. On perceiving his providence. Maybe I was allowing myself to be too busy, overwhelmed, distracted, I am not sure. But- I suppose that this year I am most thankful for an overwhelming awareness of my blessings. I am blessed beyond measure- I am highly favored. My family is vi...

So tired- Yawn. But, what a busy and fulfilling day. Started kind of rocky with Aidyn Kate getting three vaccinations and the flu mist, and Logan Getting one vaccine and the flu mist- but luckily both got a clean bill of health and that is such a blessing. I was bursting with pride when the Dr asked AK if he was feeling skittles in her stomach and she replied, "We don't eat those." He responded that maybe it was french fries that he felt, she said, "We don't eat those either!" He asked what it was she liked to eat and she told him, "fish- like salmon" I am so proud of my healthy little eaters. I am also so proud of how overjoyed they were to get new books today and for all the comments I get about their extensive vocabulary. I am so blessed. They are just amazing. After the appointment, work was pretty busy and I had a great meeting this afternoon and I still feel pretty pumped about it. Tonight, my home is a warm and cozy mixture of Thanksgiving d...

One year ago tonight- I rocked my baby boy to sleep in his room with tears streaming down my cheeks as I missed and grieved for a special friend that I longed to talk to that I had lost to suicide. Tonight my children are laughing an playing in their new playroom upstairs and my life has changed so much but something is the same. I am tearful and mournful over another friend that chose to end her life far too soon. You know... I have never felt more helpless over any situation than of these. I love to (as I am sure you can already tell) aggressively address problems and snuff out trouble before it is too far gone. I have learned that honesty, a lot of love, and certainly empathy can heal most wounds before they are too deep. But, I am so sad to say that as "in tune" as I am to people that I missed the mark with these two dear friends of mine. One I had known since the moment of my birth and the second that I had only known a couple years. Tonight I am remembering them both....

Great day with family being lazy and cleaning most the day away. I wish that I loved the cleanliness of hardwood flooring the way one is supposed to. I feel angry at mine because no matter how much cleaning of them you do all you have to do is turn around and there is more dust on them:( But I know, I know.... much better than carpet right. Am I the only one who ever wishes just a little to hide my filth in carpet?! LOL. Anyway- today went something like this at the our house. Slept in, cuddled all together for a while before breakfast, good breakfast, GREAT coffee, lots of cleaning inside and out, lots of laundry (of which non got put away), jam session in the living room complete with a microphone holding Logan shaking his groove thing, next Bama football (what a heart breaker), a breakfast supper of pancakes and turkey bacon, a trip to WalMart for some essentials that I couldn't pick up at Sam's last night, red box rentals, and finished up with Movie Night complete with Jiff...

So, here goes day 2 of spilling my guts to the universe:) Had a great day today filled with a hoarse voice, sneezing, coughing, and loss of mental clarity! Logan had a great day filled with snot pretty much everywhere. But, we pulled it together enough to fit in a wonderful lunch with Uncle Eddie. Yummy food and wonderful company. I sat listening to Logan tell Eddie all about Soul Surfer (the movie) and how, "That girl got her arm bitted off by a shark and then she cut stuff up using her feets." He is too cute for words. After work, I headed off to Sam's club, which is my new best friend. Logan also loves it and we wandered about looking at everything all the while pretending that it had no affiliation with Wal-Mart:) Logan had no trouble with that because he remains convinced that it is just a Lowe's with food. He enjoyed pumpkin pie samples and so did Mommy! Surprisingly delicious might I add and only for about $7.00. My pies may not be completely homemade this year...

So, it has been a year since I blogged and I have so much going on. I don't want to stray away from this blog as it is really therapeutic for me and I feel like I am sort of coming into my own as a woman, wife, mother, etc. I have been doing a lot of soul searching, goal identification, and just in general attempting to find myself- as stereotypical as that may sound. I want to start off my blog again with a re-introduction to me and my life followed by a rapid "catch up" of where we are as a family and then continue to use my blogging as my attempt to express myself and work through things as I become the individual,, parent, and  professional that I have always wanted to be! So, who am I now? I am a 29 year old woman. I am a lover of life. I am a caregiver to many. I have a Master's Degree and I work as a Nurse Practitioner which I believe fulfills my purpose with the talents that God has given me.  I am a Mommy! That is the best job I have. My chi...