FromBonnietoMommy

Tonight I will write my blog directly to you Lesley. It has been a month and I am astounded and shocked as much today as I was on my birthday last month to hear that you were so violently taken away. Tonight like most nights I held your babies close to my heart and I missed you. I know that we only had a few short years together on this earth. I think it speaks to how special you are that you had such an incredible impact on my life. I miss our talks. I miss us sharing stories about being moms and about our moms, lol. I miss the sound of those stupid clipboards on counter that I used to hate so much. I dreamed about us seeing someone at the clinic together and you were speaking Spanish to help me and I understood every word you said and you told me how good I was doing. How is it that you are gone? I know that there is nothing that I can do about any of this now. But I can love your babies. I will love them as much as they will let me. If it is in my power to help I will....

Hanging out together Sweet precious girls What an amazing time of prayer we had last night at church. I feel so blessed to be a part of what is going on in this congregation. I must say I have some sore toes from the message though. You know, so many times we don't know how to be the change we hope to see in the world. I have heard that quote so many times and I have always felt that it applied to others but I have not internalized it as I should. I do not want to be a person that lives in a way that isn't an example of what I believe. Do others see Jesus in me? Am I interested in things that are good and noble? Am I easily distracted by the static around me or do I turn to Jesus? You know we are built as Christians to edify one another. Do I really implement this as I should? These are tough questions if you are willing to be honest and transparent. Do I pray for the lost? Do I love them? Ouch. I was not proud of all my answers. Many times I use my burdens in life...

Lesley, today you would have been so proud of your family. David had the best birthday party he could have had. All his little friends were so excited and he had such a wonderful time. I know that there are a bunch of little tired children around after all that playing.  Your entire little family is rising to the challenge to surround your babies with as much love and comfort as they can. Selena had made all the little take home bags stuffed with every sweet treat imaginable. Tony was manning the grill -cooking up every delicious kind of meat I have ever seen! I could hear your laughter echoing in my mind and visibly see your precious smile on the faces of your babies. I think that we are managing as best as we possibly can in the two weeks since you have been gone. I know it is going to be a long hard process but I know that God is on our side. I have felt so nostalgic for our talks knowing that we won't be having them anymore- but I feel so much comfort in the arms of your f...

The hardest thing for me to do most of the time is to tune out all the daily static around me and remember to focus on claiming the Lord' s peace in my life. I must say I think that it is a powerful tool of the enemy to rob us of your joy every single day. This morning I worked hard to center myself before I got to work and by the time I made my commute I felt the craziness creeping in. Mid-morning my focus was totally lost and the words of praise I sung on my drive over were a distant memory replaced by my bitten tongue from stifling words for all the things and people that I allowed to rob me of my peace. I have really grown in this area over the past year, but I find it astonishing how easy it is for my mood pendulum to swing in the total opposite direction leaving me reeling over how quickly I morphed from a peaceful place to total craziness in a matter of milliseconds. I hope these verses that I found while I was studying tonight will help someone out there as much a...

So- today was the longest Tuesday ever... How do I wake up behind and never catch up? Even when I feel productive and accomplished I look at the clock and I haven't gotten my kids into bed until 10pm (which just so you know is like 2 hours later than I shoot for). My life has evolved so much over the past even 5 years. I am someone who likes to question myself and evaluate my beliefs and circumstances. I feel pretty proud of myself as far as knowing that I am an individual that believes what I choose to believe, love who I want to love, do what I want to do and make life exactly what I want it to be. I am someone that seeks to grow and accomplish things all the time. Even little stuff. So I think it is funny how much external pressure I feel to be a "good" mother. It is funny to feel so worried about others when I am so independent about all other things. There are so many distractions out there to make you feel like a failure as a mommy. All the cute pinterest projects I...

You know a sad but interesting fact of my life... The most disappointed in anyone I have ever been is in people who claim the name of children of God and have nothing but empty words to back it up. I wonder at times if  people ever question even for a small moment in time the validity of the argument that they are Christians. Is it not a biblical fact that we as Christians are to be known by our fruit? Lord, help me live my beliefs for others to see. Let me teach others by my life and my light. Who as people do we think we are to claim the gift of salvation and grace and turn our face away from others that are hurting and in need of not our preaching words, but our loving actions?  Something really interesting I was encouraged to study is found in a concordance I looked up that really backs up the way I feel- I was sick, and you visited me - Relieving the strangers, and visiting the sick, were in high estimation among the Jewish people. One of their sayings on this head is w...

Lord, How can it be that I have suddenly lost another friend. A friend that leaves behind four children to reel in her absence. Rush to their side Lord. Use us- your children to show them the real love of Christ. You have taught me so many things this year. You have proven yourself to me everyday this year even throughout all my struggles. I have questioned your goodness at times and in turn you have shown me your sovereinty and  providence.  I sought you and felt that I would never find you but I was only doing things my way. Then I stopped and listened and followed your path instead of my own and there You were. Lord hold me and my family, and my friends through this most trying of times. Give us strength and discernment. Send down your peace in a way that everyone recognizes it is straight from You. Lord, I am so sure of how you have worked in my life and within my family-that I know when others encounter you in this way they will need not, they will want not, an...