FromBonnietoMommy

So, it's been one month ago today that I lost the baby. I feel okay really. I'm excited to see what this next month holds for us. We have some appointments with a reproductive endocrinologist and some tests to get done this month so we'll see how all that goes. Also, some new medicine to try. I feel so much better these last two weeks. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever feel any better, but my energy level is pretty much back to normal now. I guess I am probably not so anemic anymore.  If I feel okay today I know that I am fine- just worked off after six twelves in the last seven nights! They were busy nights too. So, I am trying to really remain as positive as possible. It also helps that I am going back to the beach again this next week. Yeah!! Girl trip to PCB:) I know that will help tons. Thank God for PCB and Stacey!!

Okay- so normally I would not just jump into all of this with the general population, but for some reason it doesn't bother me to blog about it?? I know that is ridiculous. Anyway, so I got pregnant right- that in and of itself is a miracle for me. I have been told most of my life that it was not even a possibility. You can imagine my shock when that test, well four tests were positive. I was actually testing so that I could start some new medications that would keep me from having all these ovarian cysts rupturing. Well, as I said I was totally shocked. For the first day I was pretty unsure of how I felt about it. Then after that I was so excited that I can't even put into words the way I was feeling. I was remembering all this stuff I learned in school about what was going on right that second inside of me. I knew that in only two weeks that baby would have a heart beat and arms and legs.... tiny ones but they would still be there. Well, unfortunately that joy didn't last...

Okay, so I came home from the hospital day before yesterday. I am feeling a little better everyday. But last night I found all my positive pregnancy tests I was going to save for my baby book and that has really got me down. I just looked at them and cried. I mean just a little over a week ago we found out what we thought could never happen to us did. We were going to have a baby even though all the doctors had told me it would be nearly impossible. But here I am a week later and I have the most incredible empty feeling in my belly, staples, sutures, and a bag full of pills to remind me about what has happened. I don't go back to the Dr. until Monday but I know what he will say. The same as everybody else. That the fact that I even got pregnant in the first place was a miracle and now we know it is possible and we will go from there. But, it all feels like a whirlwind to me. The fact that it was only one week that I was thinking about this baby growing in my belly- that I was alrea...