FromBonnietoMommy

Ok, just a random post to inform the general public that I am 6 months pregnant today. I am so thrilled. Every single day that this little gal sticks in there is an accomplishment. In just two more weeks she will have the possibility of survival outside of the womb! Granted in a NICU, but she could make it on her own. If all her kicks and twirls in there are any indication of her personality- she is gonna be a feisty little bugger:) Keep her in your prayers guys. Aidyn Kate is on her way to being in my arms. If you could have seen her the other day on u/s. She looked so huge. Plus, she was still sucking that thumb and kicking those little legs like a wild woman. Maybe you guys should be praying for me- I might never sleep again LOL

The wedding is over, and one of my finals is too. But, that leaves one more final to go before I am done. I am about to start it in just a minute. Anyway, I don't really know why I am blogging tonight- I have nothing interesting to say. Just that today has been a really emotional day for me. I have been really tearful all day and I am not sure why. I just have all these emotions and they are all over the place. I am sure it is hormonal, but it still makes me feel like crap. I just want to have a great life you know. Who doesn't want that?!? I don't understand how or why anyone would want to go about their daily lives on auto-pilot all the time. Never feeling too much of anything. I have always been somewhat "hypersensitive" emotionally. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing. The older I get the more comfortable I am with it. But, I don't know why other people are so uncomfortable with it. I don't know why people don't care for each other. ...

So, tonight was the rehearsal dinner and I thought that it went really well. I think everyone is spastic with anxiety but other than that it was great. I am excited to have the wedding tomorrow, but I am worried about how I am gonna feel all day. I get tired really really easy with this heart thing going on. We are stashing a stool up there in case I get swoony during the ceremony. Do you know how mortified I would be to pass out during the wedding. Plus, Britney and Mom would die. But, that's what the stool is there for. I also am excited to get the wedding over with so I don't have to stress about fitting into that dress anymore. I won't be as worried about my weight after the wedding is done. So you know where I will be at the reception- the dessert table!!!!! I can't wait to blog the details. Wish us luck!

ok- so I am officially done with the focus session. I passed:) I am so relieved! We are leaving in the morning at 4 am to drive the 12 hour journey back to bama. I am just glad to be through with this. It has been so much fun though. I am glad me and dad got this opportunity to hang out just the two of us. I have enjoyed that so much. I have the greatest dad- I have always known that but this has just proven it more. We always have gotten along really well. I know why now, cause we have a lot in common. So, back to R'ville in the morning bright and early. Good luck to us! Btw... this is another experience that Aidyn Kate has had in utero- ice storm in MO, plus a special trip with Papa Doug.

Okay- well just found out after being up since 6am that the university is closing for the day. On another note, the entire airport is also grounded, and there is not much driving going on around here today. Thank goodness for the gas logs in the room:) I am really bad to go stir crazy though. If I were home I would love being snowed in, but here it kinda sucks. I guess I will have most of the day to study, but who wants to do that!?!? I am just sitting here typing and looking out the window at all the snow and ice. It really puts me in the X'mas spirit, but the best part of X'mas is family. Unfortunately, the rest of our family is over 12 hours away. I wish I would have tried to use a Dr's excuse and stayed home, but I just wanted to get this over with so badly. Now, I will probably have to plan to come back again later on to do all the check off's. That just means making work more mad, and losing more money. My student loan balance is going to be more than my mortgage...

Wow, it is so early for me to be up. But, good news. I got in touch with the girl that is picking me up for school. She will be here in a little over an hour. I am excited but I am so nervous! I never used to get so nervous about things. I don't know what my problem is. I mean I have always been high strung, but used to it was a nervous "energy" now it is more of a nervous "panic". I feel like I should have tried to get out of all this after all with a Dr's excuse:) Anyway- we are here and I need to do this. I am going down to get some breakfast and feed me and this baby. We are starving!!! Which is something of a more normal feeling here lately. I will keep everyone posted this evening. Go go gadget nurse brain!

Okay- so after my diagnosis of episodic SVT, the doc didn't want me flying or staying alone. So we changed a lot of plans and my sweet daddy drove  me up here to Missouri today. It took us 12 hours! When we left home it was 74 degrees outside. Here on our arrival it is 20 degrees. Plus, we are in the middle of a winter storm warning for the next couple of days. There is at least 6 inches of ice out there. I can't believe how cold it is BRRRR. Anyway, so tomorrow I start my focus session for completion of these two classes I am in right now. After I get this all over with I will be half way through with getting my nurse practitioner degree and having my master's in nursing. Yeah!! Anyway, so after all this driving and not being stressed, I am now freaking out because I don't know why I didn't realize it until now, but I haven't prepared at all. You know that there will be those nerds that come with everything memorized like we are supposed to, but I have had some...

Well, after I had some "episodes" with my heart racing. I went to the Dr yesterday and they placed me on a cardiac monitor. They explained all the rules about wearing it, and how to transmit my data from it over the telephone to a telemetry tech. I think that they really weren't taking me seriously at all when I told them I was a nurse and I knew that something was up. Well, the nurse of course was unimpressed with my complaints and looked at me like I was some hysterical first time pregnant girl that was turning into some kind of a hypochondriac. Then last night while laying on the couch watching house hunters on HDTV my heart started racing away like before. It was so fast I was feeling short of breath and dizzy too. Ok I am an RN- I am in graduate school, I know how to check a pulse! Why didn't anybody listen to me earlier in the day!?!?! Anyway, the monitor picked my heart rate up at 175bpm. That is fast for anyone who doesn't know... My usual baseline is in t...

Ok so today- we are still working on the remodel. It is such a slow go.  This is such a nightmare. But, we gotta get it done for Aidyn before she arrives. At least her room is done. But we are currently sleeping on our mattress in the living room floor while our bedroom is getting new hardwood flooring. We are almost done in there, but I am going tonight to wal-mart to get some paint. While all our furniture is out of there, I figured why not re-paint right?! We wanted to change the color anyway. But goodness gracious all this work is a headache.. Anyway, so after the floor gets done, we will almost be done. But we still have to get somebody to help move our furniture, cause hello... I am really not much help right now in that department:) After our room is done, it will be time for the hardwood to go down in the formal living room and dinning room. Then we must grout all the tile, and put the trim up. That will be the end of all this mess. I can't wait. I hope we can get d...

Ok, so I hope that everyone had a great thanksgiving. I know that I did. I think that thanksgiving is one of my fave holidays. I love family traditions and well eating obviously! I just wanted to share that while attending the Alabama game last weekend, this moron behind me kept going on and on about how stupid of a holiday thanksgiving is. He said it was, "stupid to have a holiday to celebrate eating". I wanted to turn around and bop his forehead (you know like the V8 commercials). Anyway- mom's out there, teach your kiddos what thanksgiving is all about. I think that if we all learned to be serious and count our blessings for once everyone would come to realize that thanksgiving, and everyday, is a great blessing. I had to work last night, so I was at the hospital from 2-midnight. No one in there was complaining that they missed dinner- they just wanted everyone to come to the hospital so they could be together. It really is true that when you have to decide what matte...

So today was the actual BIG ultrasound. My mom, grandmother, and sis went with me to the Dr today. It was one of the most amazing things I have ever witnessed. Aidyn Kate was in there spinning around like crazy. So much so that it was difficult for the tech to get all the pics she needed for the Dr. There were arms and legs all over the place in there. I can't believe this is happening sometimes. I have been able to feel her for almost a week now, and still grin so big each time I feel her jumping around. I don't know when I was able to let go of all the anxiety of something going wrong and really enjoy all of this,but I really am letting it go. At the beginning I was so scared that I would miscarry again, each trip to the Dr I went prepared for the "bad news". Now, things are going so well that for the next visit in four weeks we won't even have an ultrasound done. That's going to be crazy because I am used to sneakin a peek of all the goings on in there....

I am so excited cause me and my sis will be making our way down to Tuscaloosa this weekend for the Bama game. I love some Alabama football. I haven't been to a game since we played Tennessee. I mean since we BEAT  Tennessee! I have to admit that I am already excited to watch the game. I also have some super news- I felt the baby moving in there for the first time yesterday. I can't believe how this makes me feel to know that there is a human in there. I know that there has been a baby in there the whole time, however now that is has sprung to life and reminds me with little kicks every now and then is awesome. I know that the baby will enjoy the game as much as me and Britney will. She has had some pretty great "in utero" experiences already- gone to football games with mommy and poppa Doug, broke some ribs doing CPR, shopped a lot, remodeled the house a lot! She is going to come out ready to experience all of life! I can't wait to meet her:)

I actually didn't fail fail. But, it was the worst I've done so far in grad school. I was surprised because the material didn't seem to be that difficult. But, I must say that I really don't care because right now-  The crib is assembled and now in goes new flooring. No wonder I can't concentrate on advance assessment of the eyes, ears, and mouth!! That is really boring compared to all that is going on in my life right now. Baby is growing bigger and bigger- as am I! I am so overwhelmed and excited by all the changes I hardly know where to begin. I can actually feel the changes in my belly everyday. I can't believe I am just about at the half way point of this pregnancy. I finally feel that I can relax and not worry so much about losing this baby. I can listen to it anytime I want to because that heart just pounds away now. At the beginning it was difficult to find with the dopplar and extremely low in my pelvis, now you can hear that 160 beats per minute thump...

I drove for over an hour and a half yesterday to purchase the only remaining crib (that I wanted) within four ours of us at a Target in B'ham:) I know it sounds crazy, but it saved us like 300 dollars. I took the truck down there by myself and picked that sucker up. It was worth the drive, the crib is so pretty. I can't believe there is a crib in our guest bedroom and not a regular bed. All this is so overwhelming. I am so excited. My belly is just growing and growing too. Starting to notice some little twitches in there as well. She is almost 5 inches long and weighs about 4 ounces- you would think that I would be feeling all those kicks already. I wonder if I am looking over them? They say that first time mom's often don't realize what they are feeling until the movements in there become more consistent and then they realize they have been feeling that same sensation for a while. I think that I will probably be that way too. I am so busy that I don't know if I am ...

Last night to work!!!! Thank you Lord! This is my seventh and last night of my stretch to work. I am tired!:) I can't complain too much though, it has been a pretty good week- check back with me after tonight though cause last night was kinda crazy. But, I must say I can't wait to be off work for these next seven days and get my school stuff and house back in order. I just started a new class for school, Advanced Assessment. So far it is ok. It will require me to travel to Independence, MI in December for a few days. I know that it will probably be cold- and I will be unusually fat in my coats! This belly is beginning to get bigger and bigger. It is so foreign to me to have this big belly sticking out. Trust me it isn't gigantic yet, I know that I am over reacting- however, it is much bigger than my usual tummy. Actually, I now understand why people say that your body will never be the same again. I hope that my tummy gets back to where it was. I think it will really bothe...

So I have been told... there is a little girl growing in my belly. I can't  believe it. Everyone has been so sure it was a boy. They said they can't be 100% sure, but as much as they can tell- there's no boy parts in there! We don't even have any pretty girl names- all the names we really like are for boys. Any ideas??? We are open to suggestions. I have so many pics of her from today I need to get them uploaded so you guys can see. I need to work on my scanner something is wrong with it. Anyway- I am gonna just chill and get to thinking about this baby as a girl! Precious baby girl....

So tomorrow morning at around 10:30 we are going to the Dr. If we are really lucky, they may be able to tell us what our little baby is. It is still early, but maybe if the baby is active enough throughout the ultrasound they can catch a money shot:) But, if we can't see it tomorrow, we will get to see it next time. BUT, that's another four week wait.  I am so ready to know what this little baby is. That way, we can start getting the nursery ready and I can start saying "He or She" when I talk about it- instead of saying It. "It" doesn't do justice to the way we already feel about this little baby. I can't wait-- update will follow tomorrow!

Tonight- I am up late. My first trimester lethargy has been replaced with insomnia:) That's ok with me because I got so behind with everything now I have time to play catch up at night when everything is quite. I just listened to this little being in my belly-sweet little heart pounding away. I can't describe this feeling. I think I could walk around with the dopplar strapped to me attached to headphones! That would be funny looking wouldn't it?  Anyway, the reason I wanted to blog is because I had a heavy week at work (sad week), and I am feeling so incredibly grateful for the blessings in my life. So here is my list: An amazing family My health My home My education My youth My experiences My  future potential My growing belly, and the promise that's growing inside it Riccatoni's (TAG!!) Smallville Alabama Football (going to Tuscaloosa this weekend) My granny's dresses ( that will become a snuggle pillow) My dogs Music COFFEE (even though I can...

do you think work is bad?!? ok, so if you think that you had a bad day today at the office, just a funny comment on that:) Tonight at work, I had a 35 year old male, shit in his hand (please pardon my language but I am so pissed) and attempt to give it to me. So was work bad?!? Just another lovely day in the ICU. Btw, he did it to be ugly- not like he couldn't help it. I mean what do you say to someone that does that? I mean WHO does that?!

So, as I was driving home the other night from work, a strange feeling came over me. I am an adult. There can be no denying it. I am in grad-school, I own my own home, I work a full-time job (plus some), I am married- for three years, and now...I am going to be someone's mom. WOW-when did all this happen!? I got to sneek a peek at this little one that very night at work. I could see those hands, and feet, eyes, and heart. I am overwhelmed  Then I thought to myself, how will I guide my child not to make the mistakes that I so painfully learned the hard way? Will their passionate side rule them and make them do stupid things because of their heart strings? Will they love all the wrong people? Will he/she be super impulsive like Wade? I dunno. I guess we will find out soon enough! I hope all these life experiences will guide us to be able to handle what lies ahead.

Ok- I am 1/2 way through this class I am in right now in Grad school. I officially finished week four of this eight week coarse two minutes ago. I am actually doing pretty well considering all that is going on in my life. I feel in a way, that my life is running away with itself:) There is a lot going on here lately. On top of this crazy class, new job, and pregnancy, my little sis is mad about me not being able to clear my schedule for all the wedding shiz coming up. I'm sorry, but had I planned a little better, I would have realized that I needed to stay at my hell hole old job. This would have allowed me to accrue more time off to utilize during your wedding time! Never mind the fact that there isn't even any time off now for the BABY when it gets here. Oh, I know why I didn't plan better.... that's right- I was doing fertility treatments and couldn't plan this pregnancy around the rest of everybody's schedules! Ok- whew, I sound like one crazy hormonal biatc...

Ok- yesterday we made it to the nine week mark. We have an at home doppler so that if something happens- we can check the heartrate of the baby. Well, we weren't supposed to be able to pick up for another week at least, but yesterday there it was! Pounding away at 180bpm. It definitely brought a tear to my eye. This little bean is growing fast too, and I am starting to tell it's in there (jeans are getting a little snug to button:) Yesterday, somebody commented on my no longer flat tummy. But that's ok with me- grow little one grow! I can't wait to go back to the Dr on the 25th. I think he will be quite impressed with us:) As far as the rest of life is concerned- the new job is going okay. School is about to kill me. Online courses are very demanding and sometimes it is really hard to fit it all in. Especially since the only symptom I have been having is exhaustion. I mean dreaming of bed in the mid morning and afternoon hours. I sleep way too much. But if I don't ...

127 beats per minute- go little heart go! That little bean has done a lot of catching up this last week. Now we are measuring two days ahead. Grow little one! It is now officially ok to tell  everyone ! So everyone- Our little one is due April 20! I can't believe it. I was so terrified that the U/S would not turn out well, but there it was, with that little heart thumping away. I got pics and a video of him/her. Now the entire family has watched it. I can't wait to go back and hear that heartbeat again. Just the fact that we heard it yesterday decreases our risk of miscarrying again by almost 60%. The Dr. said everything is perfect this time and now I can quit going to the Dr every few days and wait for three weeks before I go back again. That is gonna seem like a long three weeks. But by then we will be almost done with the first trimester. I can't believe that this is happening:) I wish I could post that heartbeat on here for the world to hear!!!! It is the best sound I h...

Ok the doctor's office called yesterday and told me to drink plenty of H2O and bring a video tape to the office Monday. I am so excited I can't even sit still!! Mamaw is going with me. What a day Monday will be- new job, and the first look at a new baby. I will keep everyone posted. Pray-Pray-Pray that there is a baby in there. I had a horrible dream that there was nothing there when we got to look. It has me scared, but I woke up this a.m. feeling quite nasty, so that made me feel better:) Bring on the sickness... Hurray for baby!

Ok- So I told myself that I would keep it to myself but I can't any longer. We are officially pregnant again! I can't even believe it as I sit here typing this. This was our first medicated cycle with a new drug combo, and it worked! We have our first ultrasound on Monday. So, here is how the story goes- after five negative home pregnancy tests I went in for blood work to move on to the next medicated cycle. My beta came back not at 0 (which would be a negative pregnancy level) but at 27.9 (which is an incredibly low positive). I was so low that only the first response test would pick up a faint little line. We were really scared because the level was so low, and thought that we would miscarry again. I have been going to the Dr every other day since then, and my levels are now right where they should be. That little baby did a lot of catching up!! So now that the numbers are up we should be able to see this little thing on Monday. I want everyone to pray-pray-pray that everythi...

Ok- so I am taking a new job at another ICU. I am totally pumped to be getting out of ECM. I also will be saying goodbye to night shift life. I am not upset about that at all:) It seems to be taking an unnecessary toll on me these days. Both mentally and physically. I will be working seven on seven off -evening shift (2pm-12am). So from now on I will sleep when everyone else does. On another note, thank God for flea bombs. We bombed the fleas to death! I am so glad, I was getting so paranoid that fleas, their eggs, and their larva were on me at all times, LOL. So, life continues to look up. This cycle was a total bust when it comes to baby makin, but life has been treating me so well I can't complain about that any today.

So... anyway, I have to admit things have been going okay here. Went out to Handy Fest to see the Velcro Pigmies and had a blast!! That entire weekend was pretty great actually.  This past week has been a lot of waiting. I still have a week left to go before we will know if any of this new medicine I am on worked or not. I don't think that it did actually. But, we'll see I guess. Other than that nothing much has happened all week. Unfortunately my granny still isn't doing very well at all. I know that it won't be long until she passes away. I sat with her for about two hours today. I think that she knew that I was there.  My 17 year old dog spots died this week though. But geez,  17 years- that's a freakin old dog!! Daddy buried her out at his work, in a pretty spot under a nice tree. My Chihuahua spike has an infestation of fleas. I have no idea why since he never leaves the house. I have been trying to get rid of them for three days since like ...

"The problem with infertility is that we're mourning children that don't exist. And we're the only ones who miss them." This is just the way that I feel today.

So, it's been one month ago today that I lost the baby. I feel okay really. I'm excited to see what this next month holds for us. We have some appointments with a reproductive endocrinologist and some tests to get done this month so we'll see how all that goes. Also, some new medicine to try. I feel so much better these last two weeks. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever feel any better, but my energy level is pretty much back to normal now. I guess I am probably not so anemic anymore.  If I feel okay today I know that I am fine- just worked off after six twelves in the last seven nights! They were busy nights too. So, I am trying to really remain as positive as possible. It also helps that I am going back to the beach again this next week. Yeah!! Girl trip to PCB:) I know that will help tons. Thank God for PCB and Stacey!!

Okay- so normally I would not just jump into all of this with the general population, but for some reason it doesn't bother me to blog about it?? I know that is ridiculous. Anyway, so I got pregnant right- that in and of itself is a miracle for me. I have been told most of my life that it was not even a possibility. You can imagine my shock when that test, well four tests were positive. I was actually testing so that I could start some new medications that would keep me from having all these ovarian cysts rupturing. Well, as I said I was totally shocked. For the first day I was pretty unsure of how I felt about it. Then after that I was so excited that I can't even put into words the way I was feeling. I was remembering all this stuff I learned in school about what was going on right that second inside of me. I knew that in only two weeks that baby would have a heart beat and arms and legs.... tiny ones but they would still be there. Well, unfortunately that joy didn't last...

Okay, so I came home from the hospital day before yesterday. I am feeling a little better everyday. But last night I found all my positive pregnancy tests I was going to save for my baby book and that has really got me down. I just looked at them and cried. I mean just a little over a week ago we found out what we thought could never happen to us did. We were going to have a baby even though all the doctors had told me it would be nearly impossible. But here I am a week later and I have the most incredible empty feeling in my belly, staples, sutures, and a bag full of pills to remind me about what has happened. I don't go back to the Dr. until Monday but I know what he will say. The same as everybody else. That the fact that I even got pregnant in the first place was a miracle and now we know it is possible and we will go from there. But, it all feels like a whirlwind to me. The fact that it was only one week that I was thinking about this baby growing in my belly- that I was alrea...