Becoming a Mommy all over again:)
So, I am not sure why the blog on here that says it is the last one I did popped up and is dated from 2016. Maybe it is a total coincidence. Maybe it's some sort of weird computer glitch. Maybe, just maybe, it is because tonight as I sit here I needed to revisit that night. It was a tough night. A night where I was up tending to sick babies alone. It was an isolating time in my life. It was a scary time in my life. But, somehow in the overwhelming chaos of that life that used to be mine. I had grasped on to how truly blessed I was. I was blessed in my mess... just to be a mommy. I think I needed that tonight.
You know. My life doesn't even resemble that life anymore. I don't revisit it often. My time spent as a Mommy in that life seems like something that happened to a person I don't even know. Tonight I read through some of these blogs for a dose of perspective. You know we all need that sometimes. I have been in a fog for the past two days. I think our current situation has finally caught up with me and I have felt the devil trying to entangle my feet in the what ifs, the defeat of it, the lack of a way to plan for anything (yall know that is a MAJOR deal for this gal), the fear, the unknown. It's so easy to fall into these traps, these whispered lies of the enemy. These doubts that grab my mind in the night.
Sixteen days since we went to ECM to find out our twins were trying to make their grand entrance. A really early entrance at that. So, after all these days in bed- my anxious heart needed an outlet. One of my great friends encouraged me to blog through this ordeal and it brought me back here. I thought about starting a whole new blog. A blog that represented the newness of my life. Of Noah and Brodie's lives. But, then after I signed back into this one I read that post that got out of place. I realized all these blogs did happen to me, to Aidyn, and to Logan. I am still Bonnie becoming Mommy. Even in the very midst of this ordeal. So, I am just going to pick up here. But from a new life we have. A very expectant life. A life where Aidyn, Logan, and I have learned to be expectant for the goodness of God. Because from that last post until now we have been shown His deliverance, His provision, His providence, His outpouring of blessings, and His perfect timing and faithfulness to His promises.
So tonight I won't start telling the story of how we got here. I will save that for tomorrow. Who knows how many more days I will have to blog away about my bed rest, about how each boy is doing, or about how much we are missing our big kids. Instead, I will just say that I don't think this was coincidental that I stumbled back across this blog. I think it was an answer to tearful prayers this morning while I sat in the bathtub pouring out my heart to my God. He is constant. He is here in this room with TJ and Me. He knows that Noah flipped over yesterday and it broke my heart (more on that later), He knows that I am stir crazy, and He created my tender heart. He knows my tendency to over analyze, need to plan, and be so prone to anxious thoughts. He is the same tonight as He has always been. He is Emmanuel. I can't believe in only five days we will celebrate the birth of our savior Jesus. The birth of His son in human form. That is going to look A Lot different this year for us:) I can imagine the anticipation He felt as He sent him to be born. Knowing what a world He would enter into. Knowing the hardships, the turmoil, the danger, He would face. But He also knew what beauty, what joy, what happiness, what love there was ahead as well. I think I partially relate this year to that expectancy.
I love you all! I will be posting everyday to chronicle what this season of waiting is like.
You know. My life doesn't even resemble that life anymore. I don't revisit it often. My time spent as a Mommy in that life seems like something that happened to a person I don't even know. Tonight I read through some of these blogs for a dose of perspective. You know we all need that sometimes. I have been in a fog for the past two days. I think our current situation has finally caught up with me and I have felt the devil trying to entangle my feet in the what ifs, the defeat of it, the lack of a way to plan for anything (yall know that is a MAJOR deal for this gal), the fear, the unknown. It's so easy to fall into these traps, these whispered lies of the enemy. These doubts that grab my mind in the night.
Sixteen days since we went to ECM to find out our twins were trying to make their grand entrance. A really early entrance at that. So, after all these days in bed- my anxious heart needed an outlet. One of my great friends encouraged me to blog through this ordeal and it brought me back here. I thought about starting a whole new blog. A blog that represented the newness of my life. Of Noah and Brodie's lives. But, then after I signed back into this one I read that post that got out of place. I realized all these blogs did happen to me, to Aidyn, and to Logan. I am still Bonnie becoming Mommy. Even in the very midst of this ordeal. So, I am just going to pick up here. But from a new life we have. A very expectant life. A life where Aidyn, Logan, and I have learned to be expectant for the goodness of God. Because from that last post until now we have been shown His deliverance, His provision, His providence, His outpouring of blessings, and His perfect timing and faithfulness to His promises.
So tonight I won't start telling the story of how we got here. I will save that for tomorrow. Who knows how many more days I will have to blog away about my bed rest, about how each boy is doing, or about how much we are missing our big kids. Instead, I will just say that I don't think this was coincidental that I stumbled back across this blog. I think it was an answer to tearful prayers this morning while I sat in the bathtub pouring out my heart to my God. He is constant. He is here in this room with TJ and Me. He knows that Noah flipped over yesterday and it broke my heart (more on that later), He knows that I am stir crazy, and He created my tender heart. He knows my tendency to over analyze, need to plan, and be so prone to anxious thoughts. He is the same tonight as He has always been. He is Emmanuel. I can't believe in only five days we will celebrate the birth of our savior Jesus. The birth of His son in human form. That is going to look A Lot different this year for us:) I can imagine the anticipation He felt as He sent him to be born. Knowing what a world He would enter into. Knowing the hardships, the turmoil, the danger, He would face. But He also knew what beauty, what joy, what happiness, what love there was ahead as well. I think I partially relate this year to that expectancy.
I love you all! I will be posting everyday to chronicle what this season of waiting is like.
34 weeks
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