Holy $#%*

Okay, so I came home from the hospital day before yesterday. I am feeling a little better everyday. But last night I found all my positive pregnancy tests I was going to save for my baby book and that has really got me down. I just looked at them and cried. I mean just a little over a week ago we found out what we thought could never happen to us did. We were going to have a baby even though all the doctors had told me it would be nearly impossible. But here I am a week later and I have the most incredible empty feeling in my belly, staples, sutures, and a bag full of pills to remind me about what has happened. I don't go back to the Dr. until Monday but I know what he will say. The same as everybody else. That the fact that I even got pregnant in the first place was a miracle and now we know it is possible and we will go from there. But, it all feels like a whirlwind to me. The fact that it was only one week that I was thinking about this baby growing in my belly- that I was already totally obssessed with it- thinking of names for it- imagining life with it. Why do I always get my hopes up so fast?!? That always makes it hurt worse in the end. I wish that my body would heal up faster so the pain in my gut would quit constantly remainding me about what is no longer in there.