THE day. Finally.

Have you ever come to a point when you knew that it was a definitive moment in life? Not a major life event, just a moment, a day, words spoken that changes you- forever.  Have you ever contemplated the word Irreparable? I looked it up tonight-To no longer repair or to be irretrievably or forever lost... You know I am so thankful that I am not irreparable to God. No matter my brokenness I am never irreparably broken to my Heavenly Father. What a comfort. Even when earthly situations are beyond repair by us they are never beyond the scope of the Master- The Healer, The Redeemer, The Restorer. But you know what I really have grasped today and most of this evening. I am not a requirement or even a necessary player in His great plans. I am not so vital or important that I make or break His plans. He will use me as He needs as long as I am walking in his will for me. I am not the repairer, the savior, the redeemer, the healer. He is. I feel like I was meant to see a quote I read about forgiveness today. That, " We forgive not to excuse others behaviors but to allow ourselves to be free from the destruction of others behaviors to our hearts"... and I would add to show the love of our Heavenly Father too. I am glad that today forgiveness has taken on a new meaning to me. We are called to forgive over and over and over 70 times 7. However, we do not have to forcibly subject ourselves to the same behaviors. Even when we love others or have a binding tie to others the Lord does not call us to subject ourselves to repetitive hurt or humiliation. He calls us to have life and have it more abundantly. Today is a definitive day for me because there has been irreparable damage done to me personally. Not unforgivable- not out of HIS grasp to repair- but out of mine. I am free to be my best self in Him and relinquish all else to his control. I am not called or required to be a willing participant any longer. Praise the Lord for his peace and freedom. Tomorrow will be a definitive day- the first day of the rest of my adult life. Thank you Lord for showing me truth and delivering me from persecution that I have subjected myself to for far too many years. All the Glory to you- and now to rest knowing that I don't have to fix or plan tonight because I know the plans HE has for me! I don't know the when or why or how of it... but He does.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Holy $#%*

do you think work is bad?!? ok, so if you think that you had a bad day today at the office, just a funny comment on that:) Tonight at work, I had a 35 year old male, shit in his hand (please pardon my language but I am so pissed) and attempt to give it to me. So was work bad?!? Just another lovely day in the ICU. Btw, he did it to be ugly- not like he couldn't help it. I mean what do you say to someone that does that? I mean WHO does that?!
Read more

And all the days in between...

Image
So after all our scurrying to stop preterm labor. The days that followed turned into a slow and steady drag. Laying in bed all day sounds pretty awesome and luxurious until it turns into 10 days or so:) So much time. For me the toughest part is that you just don't know how long it will be. Are we getting closer? Half way maybe? Each Dr., each Nurse, each resident, each sonographer has a different opinion. Has a new tidbit that is exciting, or overwhelming, or scary even. Then you have all this time to lay and over think (which as many of you know is actually my biggest gifting, lol) Shortly after my Mag drip stopped- four days into our stay. I was allowed to eat. Sit up a bit. I was allowed to actually walk to the bathroom:) We also had a bit of  a scare with our Brodie. Brodie had an usual finding on his morning ultrasound. Each boy has a daily ultrasound every morning, bright and early, at about 7:30-7:45. On that particular morning I noticed something that looked a bit differen...
Read more

Becoming a Mommy all over again:)

Image
So, I am not sure why the blog on here that says it is the last one I did popped up and is dated from 2016. Maybe it is a total coincidence. Maybe it's some sort of weird computer glitch. Maybe, just maybe, it is because tonight as I sit here I needed to revisit that night. It was a tough night. A night where I was up tending to sick babies alone. It was an isolating time in my life. It was a scary time in my life. But, somehow in the overwhelming chaos of that life that used to be mine. I had grasped on to how truly blessed I was. I was blessed in my mess... just to be a mommy. I think I needed that tonight. You know. My life doesn't even resemble that life anymore. I don't revisit it often. My time spent as a Mommy in that life seems like something that happened to a person I don't even know. Tonight I read through some of these blogs for a dose of perspective. You know we all need that sometimes. I have been in a fog for the past two days. I think our current situat...
Read more